So much so that psychologists have even coined a term for it.

They call it the fundamental attribution error.  In layman's terms, it means that when we look from the outside in on a conflict, we have the tendency to think that something in an individual's personality and in their direct control is to blame for it.  And to make matters worse, we then underestimate the effect that situational influences (things that we can't control) have in the cause of that same conflict. A story from Dr. Stephen Covey's popular "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" illustrates the fundamental attribution error powerfully:

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One Sunday morning on a subway in New York, people were sitting quietly -- some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene.

Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed. The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people's papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing.

It was difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so insensitive as to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking no responsibility at all. It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too. So finally, with what I felt was unusual patience and restraint, I turned to him and said, "Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn't control them a little more?"

The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, "Oh, you're right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don't know what to think, and I guess they don't know how to handle it either."

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Yes, people are lazy, oblivious, and sometimes downright unintelligent.  Sometimes conflicts are a direct result of someone's poor choices and actions with little effect from situational influences.  But think about the conflicts you find yourself in.  Did you directly cause them or were they the result of outside influences that you had little say in?  Think of the personal conflicts you and your group discussed in LEAD Session 3.  Were they completely the result of someone's poor character and choices with no situational influences to blame?  I doubt it.

Here is what I learned from LEAD Session 3:  As one seeks to improve his or her ability to address conflict and become a more empathetic leader, he or she must realize that conflicts are caused both by personal actions and situational influences, and that most likely, we overlook the latter.  Seek to understand first, not to assume.  You'll be a better leader (and a better person) because of it.

Do you agree?  Have you caught yourself previously making the fundamental attribution error?